Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Smoker's Dilemma

Smoke or not? There are other ways to be rebellious, but nothing quite so much as smoking. I think its because it is no good for anyone. It rots your lungs, annoys everyone around you, is expensive, and makes you smell bad. It's like you're rebelling against everything at the same time.

And we all like to feel rebelliuos now and then. It's thrilling. For some people this means jumping out of an airplane, and for others crime (whether the harmless kind like skinny dipping in a hotel pool or the other kind). For still others staying out way past midnight drinking caffeine is rebellious.

The only trouble is deciding when enough is enough. Someone once advised me to try anything that has no permanent consequences, which include addictions, pregnancies, criminal records, severe injuries, and death. I was VERY curious, all through high school, as to what it was like get high on weed. Running through this list of permanent consequences I could easily rationalize that weed meets none of the criteria since it isn't chemically addictive.

I never tried it, but that was not for lack of willingness. Nobody ever offered me any. Sure, of course that's good thing that reflects well on where I grew up and who my friends were, but it was also oddly disappointing at the time.

Fortunately (in a strange sort of way) I was offered a legal, toxin-infused, non-medicinal conventional cigarette, which I refused. The kid offering it to me was one I did not like nor respect, and I was quite indifferent about his opinion of me. Besides, unlike marijuana, tobacco is VERY chemically addictive, and totally out of style.

But I have tried tobacco. I have. Several times. It was exciting, edgy, rebellious....everything I hoped for. But after the novelty wore off, some of my friends and family members saw me smoking and I felt ashamed. Then I noticed how I was feeling sick a lot of the time and I would resolve to quit. Quitting was easy, until I would suddenly notice I was smoking again.

The thing that finally helped me quit was my alarm clock. As soon as it went off, I realized that hadn't really been smoking; I had only been dreaming that I was smoking. The smoking dream has occured three times I think, and I very much enjoy it. All of the thrill of smoking, none of the consequences.

Dream about these things, but don't do them. If you do, what is the point of dreaming?

Sigmund Freud: "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar."

René Magritte: "This is not a pipe."


kel said...

i too have these smoking dreams and my reaction (in the dream) is always: well... what's done is done and i'm a smoker now.

i'm curious though. in your dreams, what kind of cigar(ette) do you smoke? Camel? KOOL? for me it's those thin brown ones you see at the gas station that come in such flavours as vanilla and mocha. chic!

Kylie said...

holy crap. i totally believed you even though i've heard you talk about these dreams.

i'm gullible.

Creativity Escapes Me said...

Dreams are amazing. They bring to life your deepest secret and your darkest fantasy. No chemical addiction dreams for me. Other addictions come to fruition.

jackie smaz said...

I, like you and kel, have had many a smoking dream. Yeah, many. And I remember feeling ashamed but also relieved that I didn't have to wonder what smoking was like anymore. I guess that seemed logical in my dream.

Michelle 2021 said...

I always dream I've married somebody I don't know. Sometimes he smokes.
I can see TR smoking a big oaky pipe, which is not actually a pipe. Joke's on them.

jo said...

hey TR, I think jackie smaz is going public.

and to make this apply: "Smoking". By Judy Blume.

T.R. said...

wait.....YOU'RE jackie smazz?!?

jo said...

who'd you expect?

and I'm going to reference you to a post of mine that will explain the extra 'z' dilemma. A decision had to be made.

Spencer said...

I have dreams kind of like that, except they're not of smoking, but they are of something that I have done but that I no longer do, because those things are bad for you.

T.R. said...


Laverna said...

No, poking people with pencils . . . oh wait, he still does that.

Creativity Escapes Me said...

Spencer's dreams are about saying "Your mom."

Spencer said...

And then Allison always punches me in the arm.

No, I still frown sometimes, too.

Sweetilicious said...

Hi I found your blog via another friend. I have recently written a post myself on this very subject except I forgot to mention the vivid dreams from the patch. Just thought you might enjoy the topic.

T.R. said...

hmm....I can't find that post, sweetilicious. for one thing you have four different blogs. maybe you could post a link?

thanks for surfing through.