Monday, November 27, 2006

Sleeping Song

Sit in a very dry, boring lecture. Look around the room for someone who is in the process of falling asleep. Recall the sound of that person's voice, or imagine what it sounds like if you can't remember or have never heard it before. Mentally create an "MMM" sound using the person's voice. As the person's head bobs up and down, adjust the pitch accordingly. The person's head at an upright, attentive position should evoke the normal pitch of the speaking voice, and a head collapsed on the table or desk in front of the person should evoke the lowest tone that the person can create vocally. Continue until the person fully wakes up or falls asleep.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Adventures on Two Wheels

Blah blah blah gaspricesglobalwarmingdependencyonforeignoilexercisesustainability pollutionthriftetc.

Forget all of those reasons. The real reason that you should ride a bicycle instead of driving is adventure.

Men with Hammers

The other day as I rode along the sidewalk, there was a man hammering some sheet metal and blocking my path. As I went around him, my cast shadow must have set off his looming detector or something because he whirled around brandishing his hammer. He made sort of a guttural "HA!". He lowered the hammer and said "You scared the shit outta me!".

Which one is scarier: a silent man on a bicycle or a snarling man with a hammer?

The Snail Race

Stop lights are boring in a car, but a bicycle can't stop moving without falling over (unless you put your foot down).
This forces a snail race, which means you ride your bike slowly forward, just fast enough so that you don't have to dismount but slow enough that you don't ride into the intersection before your light turns green.

Snap Judgments

Speaking of intersections, last week I was crossing a crosswalk (I had the little white man and everything) when a red Geo Tracker moved forward to make a right turn and block my path. My mind filled with bad words while my fingers reached for the brakes, but the car stopped just in time. What a jerk! Whoa, wait a sec. That looks like Melanie. It is.

On second thought, it's a perfectly natural mistake to make. In fact, shouldn't I slow down a bit as I cross an intersection?

Alright, so snap judgments occur in cars as well. But on a bike any insult you get is so personal. They can see your shoes and everything. Road rage on a bike is safely diffused into stronger pedal strokes.

Muscle Soreness

It means guilt-free TV watching.

Looking Awesome

I look awesome on a bike.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Just please do something.

First of all, please vote this Tuesday. I think things would automatically get better if everyone voted. I think you can still register through Saturday if you call your precinct.

http://elections.utah.gov/voterregistrationinformation.html

So once again I find myself actually caring about politics, even though I don't enjoy caring about politics. And once again I am too lazy and inarticulate to say everything I want to, but this guy isn't. Let me just add that I don't like voting for a party, but in voting issue by issue and candidate by candidate I often find myself more on one side than the other. Ok, thanks for listening. You can go back to myspace now.

P.S. Check out this candidate. (Vote for him, in fact).

P.P.S. This post is really similar to one I made almost exactly two years ago.

Thursday, November 02, 2006