Thursday, February 07, 2008


Well it's not just the Obama haters that frighten me. Some of my own political allies are just as bad. For example, on the "1,000,000 Strong Against Mike Huckabee" message board on Facebook, Alisa of Portland Oregon writes:

He hates true followers of Christ, and is only running because he is in league with Satan. As such, he listens to his master (Satan) because he and his master do not want an honorable priesthood holder leading this great nation.
In addition, Tennessee and Arkansas were just hit by a tornado after Satan's minion won there. Who says the Lord doesn't speak to his children?

I wouldn't presume to know every way in which the Lord speaks to His children, but I think we can assume that he doesn't kill people with tornadoes every time they don't vote how he wants them too. I can prove it!

-August 11, 1999: A tornado hits Salt Lake City FOR NO GOOD REASON
-November 7, 2000: George W. Bush is elected president, especially in Utah
-January 20, 2001: George W. Bush is inaugurated
-Next 8 years: George W. Bush starts an unnecessary war which results in more American deaths than 9/11 and more Iraqi deaths than occurred under Saddam Hussein. Also, the economy tanks. Also, he's kind of dumb. Admit it. No tornadoes hit Salt Lake.

One thing about God: he doesn't typically punish anyone before they do something wrong. So if he were still as into vengeance as he was back in the Moses era, we would have been hit by the Tornado after we all voted for Bush. (When I say we, I don't mean myself, obviously, because I voted for Gore.)

Is that not enough proof for you? Don't worry, I have more. Have you seen the movie Crossroads with Ralph Macchio? (Not the one with Brittany Spears.) One thing I learned from that movie is that if you are in league with Satan, he makes you shred on the guitar! But does this guy look like he's shredding?

No. And furthermore, that's a bass he's playing, and everyone knows that playing the bass is what you do if you can't hack it on guitar. It's the new "second fiddle". If Huckabee were in league with Satan, he'd be playing lead and his band wouldn't suck nearly this bad.

This guy is not quite good enough to be the Servant of the Devil either, although we're getting warmer:

That said, I still kind of like "Satan's Minion" as a nickname for Huckabee.


eped said...

-whisper- "f*@kabee"

T.R. said...

oh no you di-unt!

Creativity Escapes Me said...

I'd sell my soul for a jelly doughnut.

allyson elizabeth said...

Well...she does have a point.

badgermiddlemas said...

Hey, you just stole the name and lineup of my killer new band. Me:Lead vocals Ralph Macchio: Lead Guitar ( and groupie deterrent) Neil Peart: Drums Bill Clinton: Saxophone and Huckabee: Lead Bass.
Manager: Satan

We mainly play covers of Britney Spears and polka tunes.