Hey guys! I just got a text message that said "Happy Nude Year". That's pretty funny, unless you're a Puritan.
So here are my resolutions for the year as well as how I plan to implement them:
1. Have greater resolve.
This one is easy; I'll just think of more resolutions! (I heard that we're supposed to set realistic goals.)
2. Be more fair.
I figured that one step toward being more fair is to implement the fairness doctrine into swirly patterns. So in order to do that, I will be a politically conservative blogger for the month of January. An EXTREMELY conservative blogger. I am actually really excited about this.
3. No more Arby's.
Again, realistic goals. There is no way I will eat at Arby's this year on account of them poisoning me last month! (I have powerful enemies, it seems.)
4. Think of more resolutions.
It's obvious that this resolution has already failed just 18 hours into the new year. At least now I am spared from wondering which resolution I will break first.