Thursday, September 10, 2009

Way to save the planet, Poindexter!

Do you have one of these bags?

They're fantastic aren't they? Not only do they save the planet, but they loudly announce that fact to anyone who sees you carrying one to your car. As soon as I pick mine up, I can literally feel my nose lift higher into the air.

Actually, you and I are both suckers for buying them. Mine cost one dollar, is falling apart after some medium-duty usage, and isn't really that earth friendly. You see, my bag (and every other one that I have seen) has this to say:

I don't know the calculations to use, but it seems like a ship full of these coming from China isn't the best thing for the planet.

Basically, you and I have both bought snooty, expensive versions of an ordinary plastic bag. Most of the ones I see now cost $2, but at least those ones advertise your favorite white upper-middle-class business (I'm looking at you, Whole Foods and Borders).

But never fear! We at Swirly Patterns won't criticize your efforts without offering helpful alternative suggestions*. For example, there's always the good old zippered tote bag:

Remember tote bags? How did these silly Green bags ever replace them? My mom has totes kicking around her house from my dad's medical convention days. If you're not so lucky, they are always for sale at Deseret Industries (that's a thrift store, for you non-Utahn readers) in the purses section. My favorite kind are the zippered nylon ones with ambiguous company logos.

Here's why they're better:

- They only ever cost $1. A tax-free dollar, I hasten to add. Sometimes they are only 75 or 50 cents.
- DI is a much better cause than Barnes and Noble. Duh.
- Made in USA, China, or wherever, you are reusing something that someone else is getting rid of. It doesn't matter where it was made.
-They last longer. My "green" bag only lasted two months. My tote bags have all lasted several years.
- They have zippers!
- You might find some other treasures when you go into DI to buy one. My most recent find was a full cow hide for $15.
- While you're bored and waiting in line at the grocery store, you can wonder what sort of company would be called "GeniFlexus" or something like that. In my case, I get to wonder what sort of medical condition necessitates a drug called "Esperimazole".

So, um, I'll see you at the thrift store. But keep your hands off of that $35 Fender Rhodes. I saw it first, ya jerk!

*Swirly Patters reserves the right to criticize your efforts without offering helpful alternative suggestions.


allyson elizabeth said...

Did you buy said cow hide?

Melanie said...

Canvas bags are great too.You know the kind that your primary teacher used to bring to class? I have one that says Read Utah or something, one Huntsman Cancer Institute, and one from the Community Co-op. Very durable.

T.R. said...

Allyson: Duh, how long have you known me?

eped said...

there's a familiar sanctimony to seeing these fall-apart shill bags getting carried in & out of flex-fuel Durangos, like so many vinyl scripture cases.


T.R. said...

Its an acronym for something, I'm sure of it.

cate said...

Just so long as no one is judging me for my bags that say Pfizer and Feldene (piroxicam).

kel said...

and when the medical conference ones give way... for the same price of the i-love-going-green-saving-the-recycled-earth-with-post-consumer-paper-towels bags i found heavy duty canvas ones at the Up Hill Down outlet (45th & State) that hold about twice as much.

sara said...

guilty as charged. but thank you for offering suggestions post-criticism.

Kari said...

man, i have been absent from your blog for so long. how wonderful to come back and see that you and i are on the same wavelength here. i hate these bags. personally, i went into my old closet and found an old backpack collecting dust. that's the one i use now for all my grocery needs.

Lots for sale in Costa Rica said...

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